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What kids want their parents to know - Separation and Divorce

3/31/2018

 
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Supporting children of separation and divorce

2/12/2018

 
My Backpack has arrived!
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Children of separation and divorce often travel from one parent home to another.  This sixth book supports children in learning how to survive, and thrive, in two family homes.

My Backpack follows a boy, and a girl, as each transitions to the home of the other parent.   Each child's "Backpack" becomes a place to find strategies to cope.

​Children will recognize common stressors,  will see others struggling with uncomfortable moments.
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Each stressor is followed by strategies to calm, or to rev up (when needed).

Based on a neurobiological model of calming (as seen in Dr. Bruce Perry's work), readers walk through ways to change uncomfortable feelings.  

Playful and encouraging examples help children deepen their sense of being capable of managing stressors.

"I Notice" arrows draw attention to what is happening in the body, and the name of the emotion that goes along with those sensations.

​

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Included are
  • key messages to kids 
    (what parents want their children to know)
  • key messages to parents (what kids want their parents to know)
  • a self-regulation board game
  • a bibliography of helpful
    resources 
Enjoy!  Next time?  The inspiration for this book ...

Free Shipping for You and Yours (Dec 17-26, 2017)

12/16/2017

 
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​Thank you for sharing the books with children and youth and their caring adults!

Our newest book (#6) will arrive early in the New Year.  My Backpack ... for surviving and thriving in two homes, supports children of separation and divorce.  

​Until then, enjoy time with family and friends.   

FREE  -  Finding My Inside Superpowers Course

11/7/2017

 
How can we help children and youth develop skills to rev up and to calm down?

We have put together a FREE, short, engaging course Finding My Inside Superpowers.

In this course (
located on a Teachables website) you will find:
1. a video to help young people notice what is happening in their bodies (2 min.)
2.  a video that explores how to calm upset (2 min)
3.  a checklist of strategies to help calm, based on neuro-biology of calming
4.  a certificate of completion.

You can access this "course"  to support  your work with individual, small group or a whole classroom of  children and youth.  

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Finding My Inside Superpowers
And to deepen the learnings our books (with supporting free resources) are:
CHILL - for navigating upset in junior high/middle school 
Instead I - for surviving and thriving
What if I - for calming worries
So Then I - for recess and unstructured times
Why Can't I - for beating the blues.

May the calming superhero inside flourish!

​

The sounds of cheering on!

10/2/2017

 
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What does "cheering on" look like, sound like?  When do we do this?  How do we help children and youth develop needed skills.  ​This info graphic tracks part of the process (from the bottom up):











​







We often do this without being aware of our skill.  Yet in our work with more complex children and youth, this needs to become an intentional practice.
  1. Begin with strengths, interest and passions.  This will help get buy in, match the skill needed for this step in development.  It also helps to have similar interests and/or skills in the area of need. 
  2. Determine which skills are missing.  Pick one (prioritize).  Provide multiple opportunities for this skill to develop.  Some key thinkers, in social and emotional areas include Michelle Garcia Winner (Social Thinking), Dr. Ross Greene (Lives in the Balance) , Dr. Stuart Ablon (Think Kids) and Dr. Gordon Neufeld (Neufeld Institue)
  3. Give those key messages that help in the struggles to learn.  Two key thinkers in this area include   Dr. Carol Dweck (growth mindset)   and Dr. Kristin Neff (self compassion) .
    Found in the infographic above, the messages can include:
    "You are capable."               
    "You can do it!"               
    "Learning something new is brave." 
Finally, include your own gems, from your own struggles and your own learnings.  I like Mark Twain's (Samuel Clemens) "I have found the harder I work, the luckier  I get!"  or my mother's "This, too, shall pass" (when facing difficult moments).

​All the best as you support young ones in their growth!


You are Capable!   (is this a message we are giving?)

9/27/2017

 
School is on!  Routines are back into place in most classrooms and homes.

So, now other work with complex children begins.  How do we support development? 

This summer I reflected on a key question, "Are we giving messages of capability?" This is particularly important question when we work with children and youth who struggle.  ​ Once we have learned that a child/youth struggles with something, we often get stuck at "What next?"   We may wonder:
  • Is this a skill beyond this student's actual ability?  
  • Are my expectations too high?
  • Will this be too discouraging, and cause more problems?

My conclusion? 
  • We need to be part of the fuel to help youngsters keep moving to learn the skills they need to learn. 
  • We need to remember that our own successes were built upon our struggles, learning from mistakes, being compassionate with others once we learned that we, too, could mess up. ​
If parents [teachers, counsellors, grandparents ... ] want to give their children a gift, the best thing they can do is to teach their children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning.  That way, their children don’t have to be slaves of praise.  They will have a lifelong way to build and repair their own confidence.”  Dr. Carol Dweck, Mindset:  The New Psychology of Success

And in the next post ... what are key messages we can say to young people during their struggles.
​

Back to School and Keeping Sane

8/29/2017

 
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Superhero Recipe

7/28/2017

 
After close to two years of mixing and shaking and measuring,  
​CHILL - like  a superhero is born!
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How can we
help students understand themselves?

How can we
assist young adolescents to navigate
the crises
of middle school
and junior high?

How can we
​support social
and emotional growth
in young people?

Great questions, indeed.

In this graphic novel the main character struggles, focusses, calms, overcomes, apologizes, learns, helps ... and shows what a superhero can look like!

​Order CHILL today or ask for it at your local library!



​ 

Free!  My Inside Superpowers Course

6/15/2017

 
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FREE


Coach a super-hero-in-training to find self-regulation skills! 


In this fun FREE course My Inside Superpowers - helping me to survive upset (linked to a Teachable website) you will find engaging strategies to helps calm or rev up.  In the course youngsters can see:
- a video on just noticing what is happening inside me (2 minutes)
-   a video on how to manage upset (2 minutes)
-  a superhero checklist to complete outlining strategies for calming 
-  a certificate of completion.

To deepen those skills see
CHILL - like a superhero (in junior high or middle school settings)
Instead I - for surviving and thriving
What if I - for calming worries
So Then I - for unstructured recess times
Why Can't I - for beating the blues

​Enjoy!

The power of laughter

6/12/2017

 
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One of my most favourite memories recently is one of laughter.  

We were in a conference room, all eighty of us.  I was presenting.  All of us were laughing.  I was laughing so hard it was difficult to breathe, much less talk.  

What a wonderful memory. Even writing about it accesses positive feelings and inside pictures that offer delight right now.

Laughter is powerful.   Laughter with (not at) can be a "game changer".  

     ... and ...
we know that socially, laughter:
  •  creates warm memories
  •  creates social bonds
  •  gives permission to enjoy
  •  lightens the heart
  •  is infectious
  •  reminds us to enjoy life
  •  gives others messages that they are OK and safe

​Some recent research looks at the impact of laughter on the brain and body.  Some highlights include how laughter: 
  • releases endorphins which are natural pain killers
  • neurologically soothes physical and emotional pain
  • shifts heart rate
  • is a cue in play that tells the social engagement system of the heart that the other is a safe person   (Dr. Steven Porges, Polyvagal Theory)
  • helps down-regulate flight/flight systems 
  • increases oxygen to organs (brain and body) and reduces responses to stress

What are some of the words that describe laughter, or go along with laughter?  
- guffaw            
- hilarity            
- glee
- grin                
- smile              
- chortle
- giggle
- chuckle
- shriek
- belly laugh
- roar
- howl

​As July and August approach I am considering how I will
  • bring laughter to life
  • bring more laughter into my life
  • bring joyous life to those around me.  

Consider this "sentence frame"  ...

This summer I will invite laughter by ___________________.
<<Previous
Forward>>

    Caring. 
    Transforming.
    Connecting.

    Mary-Catherine Bailey-McKenna is a registered psychologist and author of the Caring Adults Helping Kids Series, including:
    - the I Series Instead I, What if I, So Then I, Why Can't I, But When I (released June 2019)
    - CHILL - like a superhero (graphic novel)
    - My Backpack ("flip book" on  separation and divorce).

    These posts explore  basic models and strategies for supporting self-regulation skills in school-aged children, and in the adults who care for them.

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 What people have said 
My daughter (going on 4) is younger than the intended age group but she loves the “I Series”, she calls them her “Happy Face Books”. I love that even though she may not fully understand all of the content, there is a lot that I have been able to relate back to situations where she has been playing with her cousins and with other kids at the playground. The techniques demonstrated in these books have been a great guide for me as a parent to teach my pre-schooler emotional regulation skills and prepare her for future social situations."        Ainsley Painchaud                                                                                                                                       Instead I ...            and      What if I ...        and     So then I ...             and     Why Can't I ...

About Us


​

Contact Us
I highly recommend [Instead I...'s] use in homes as well as in schools, where these concrete skills can be effectively modeled by adults and practiced by children.                            
   W. Dale Heide, MSW, 
Clinical Social Worker,                                  
   AB​,                                     

I thoroughly enjoyed this book! “Instead I...” will help children navigate the many challenges of a school day.
         Madeline DeLorey,
                      B.A., B.Ed.                    Teacher, ON

[Instead I ...] really helped my son with his behaviour in school and at home.  He is now in Grade 5 and is making better choices and is a better student.  Thanks for the AMAZING book!
                          Robert
Parent   Entrepreneur,                                        AB

 

 

 



What If I … teaches skills to calm the worried mind.  These skills that are foundational to good mental health in childhood  AND  adulthood.  What If I … draws the reader into the day-to-day realities of children and young students.
                Van McGeein, MSW, RSW
​                                                    AB


This book is exceptional in helping quiet worriers build language around their feelings and develop simple strategies to begin to find new patterns. 

                      Dr. Jennifer Batycky,
                                Principal, AB



 

​
So  then I… is a book that children will identify with and that adults will find invaluable in helping kids to ‘have a great week.’     Mary-Catherine ... weaves straightforward and research-based strategies for dealing with ... challenges into the story.
                               Craig Harper, M.Sc.
​                                   Psychologist, AB

 
So  then I…  is a great companion to the first two books.  My daughter engaged with them imm
ediately.  
 I know she will love this one too!
                                        Heidi Grogan, M.A.
                            Writer, Instructor, AB


This beautiful little book is a much needed resource for kids and the adults in their lives.  ...   Why Can’t I helps every child to understand what they’re feeling, and to take simple, practical steps toward a healthier and happier state of being.      
                                   Tam Lundy, Ph.D.,
   Canadian Self-Regulation Initiative

This series is exceptional at giving children and adults the language to describe, and practice, emotional, calming, and social skills. ...  Children can discover that they can “grow” important survival skills, that these skills aren’t simply innate or absent.  
              Liz Spittal, B.Ed.,  M.Ed.- TESL,                      English Language Learning                                                  
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