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I Can Count on You

4/8/2015

 
How do we convey trust in words and actions?
Picture
Trust is a powerful gift.  
Our children and youth look into our eyes and seek some deep answers: 
Am I worthy?
Am I worthy of trust?
Am I OK?
Am I OK even if I fail?
Are all of my errors counted against me?
Do my intentions weigh more  than my mishaps?
Will you love me even if...
Will you believe in me even when I don't believe in myself?

How do we convey trust to our children and youth  (who still are learning, just like the rest of us)?
We can use words like:
I can count on you ...
You have always been ... (good at)
You never cease to surprise me in how amazing you are...
You could not have done that six months ago.  You are really coming into your own...
I trust that you will be able to get through this.  I am here to help you when you need it.
You remind me so much of ____________, who is so steadfast and kind.


We can use words actions that convey trust:
  • Freedom and responsibility:  You are ready for the freedom to do this, and you have shown that you can be responsible in this as well.
  • Make age-appropriate agreements.  Let's make an agreement.  What are we both willing to do to make this successful?  OK, let's do it!
  • Create success-plans:  This is an adventure.  What are your concerns?  Here are my concerns.  What is a good plan to get through?   I am here to help if you need it.  I have every confidence you will do so well!





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    Caring. 
    Transforming.
    Connecting.

    Mary-Catherine Bailey-McKenna is a registered psychologist and author of the Caring Adults Helping Kids Series, including:
    - the I Series Instead I, What if I, So Then I, Why Can't I, But When I (released June 2019)
    - CHILL - like a superhero (graphic novel)
    - My Backpack ("flip book" on  separation and divorce).
    These posts explore  basic models and strategies for supporting self-regulation skills in school-aged children, and in the adults who care for them.

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 What people have said 
My daughter (going on 4) is younger than the intended age group but she loves the “I Series”, she calls them her “Happy Face Books”. I love that even though she may not fully understand all of the content, there is a lot that I have been able to relate back to situations where she has been playing with her cousins and with other kids at the playground. The techniques demonstrated in these books have been a great guide for me as a parent to teach my pre-schooler emotional regulation skills and prepare her for future social situations."        Ainsley Painchaud                                                                                                                                       Instead I ...            and      What if I ...        and     So then I ...             and     Why Can't I ...

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I highly recommend [Instead I...'s] use in homes as well as in schools, where these concrete skills can be effectively modeled by adults and practiced by children.                            
   W. Dale Heide, MSW, 
Clinical Social Worker,                                      AB​,                                     

I thoroughly enjoyed this book! “Instead I...” will help children navigate the many challenges of a school day.
         Madeline DeLorey,
                      B.A., B.Ed.                    Teacher, ON

[Instead I ...] really helped my son with his behaviour in school and at home.  He is now in Grade 5 and is making better choices and is a better student.  Thanks for the AMAZING book!
                          Robert Parent   Entrepreneur,                                        AB

 

 

 
What If I … teaches skills to calm the worried mind.  These skills that are foundational to good mental health in childhood  AND  adulthood.  What If I … draws the reader into the day-to-day realities of children and young students.
                Van McGeein, MSW, RSW
​                                                    AB

This book is exceptional in helping quiet worriers build language around their feelings and develop simple strategies to begin to find new patterns. 
                      Dr. Jennifer Batycky,
                                Principal, AB


 

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So  then I… is a book that children will identify with and that adults will find invaluable in helping kids to ‘have a great week.’     Mary-Catherine ... weaves straightforward and research-based strategies for dealing with ... challenges into the story.
                               Craig Harper, M.Sc.
​                                   Psychologist, AB
 
So  then I…  is a great companion to the first two books.  My daughter engaged with them immediately.  
 I know she will love this one too!                                         Heidi Grogan, M.A.
                            Writer, Instructor, AB
This beautiful little book is a much needed resource for kids and the adults in their lives.  ...   Why Can’t I helps every child to understand what they’re feeling, and to take simple, practical steps toward a healthier and happier state of being.      
                                   Tam Lundy, Ph.D.,
   Canadian Self-Regulation Initiative

This series is exceptional at giving children and adults the language to describe, and practice, emotional, calming, and social skills. ...  Children can discover that they can “grow” important survival skills, that these skills aren’t simply innate or absent.                Liz Spittal, B.Ed.,  M.Ed.- TESL,                      English Language Learning                                                  
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