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#2 What skills are needed (learning outside the home)

8/30/2019

 
#2 Essential Questions  - Letting Go - While Holding On
Transitioning to independence typically includes learning life skills at home.

However, there are occasions when the skills that could be learned, will not be learned at home.  
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​This can be true for multiple reasons:
  • someone else at home already performs that life skill better (laundry, cleaning, budgeting)
  • standards for success at home are too high to reach
  • the young adult is not motivated to learn the skill 
  • there is no urgency to support a young adult to learn the skill
  • other family issues take precedence (e.g., illness, family conflict, etc.)
  • the young adult’s desire for independence outstrips his/her skills to stay inside the family home to learn the skills
  • the young adult will not take direction from the family members in the home
  • there is no opportunity for real practice in learning the skill, etc.

What can parents (caregivers) do when many life skills will only be learned outside the family home?
Parents can target high priority skills that are crucial for immediate success.  Parents will likely target practical strategies to support housing and employment.   
 
For example, young adults can be supported in housing by:
a. parents providing a "launching ramp" for housing.  Some parents pay the first three months rent (leaving the security deposit in the hands of the young adult).  The young adult then has 90 days to find a job for the fourth month of rent.  Whether the security deposit is returned (and motivation for that) then depends on the young adult.
b. reviewing the many options to having an upscale home, including: a room in a house with five other people;  a shared basement suite;  housing that comes along with a job;  rooming with friends;  a (paid) room in a house with a relative, etc.

For example, young adults can be encouraged to find employment:
a.  finding multiple part-time jobs
b. finding jobs at the place of schooling (e.g., cafeteria at school)
c. finding a part-time job and doing part-time self-employment jobs (e.g., cleaning, landscaping, dog walking, etc.)
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    Caring. 
    Transforming.
    Connecting.

    Mary-Catherine Bailey-McKenna is a registered psychologist and author of the Caring Adults Helping Kids Series, including:
    - the I Series Instead I, What if I, So Then I, Why Can't I, But When I (released June 2019)
    - CHILL - like a superhero (graphic novel)
    - My Backpack ("flip book" on  separation and divorce).

    These posts explore  basic models and strategies for supporting self-regulation skills in school-aged children, and in the adults who care for them.

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 What people have said 
My daughter (going on 4) is younger than the intended age group but she loves the “I Series”, she calls them her “Happy Face Books”. I love that even though she may not fully understand all of the content, there is a lot that I have been able to relate back to situations where she has been playing with her cousins and with other kids at the playground. The techniques demonstrated in these books have been a great guide for me as a parent to teach my pre-schooler emotional regulation skills and prepare her for future social situations."        Ainsley Painchaud                                                                                                                                       Instead I ...            and      What if I ...        and     So then I ...             and     Why Can't I ...

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I highly recommend [Instead I...'s] use in homes as well as in schools, where these concrete skills can be effectively modeled by adults and practiced by children.                            
   W. Dale Heide, MSW, 
Clinical Social Worker,                                  
   AB​,                                     

I thoroughly enjoyed this book! “Instead I...” will help children navigate the many challenges of a school day.
         Madeline DeLorey,
                      B.A., B.Ed.                    Teacher, ON

[Instead I ...] really helped my son with his behaviour in school and at home.  He is now in Grade 5 and is making better choices and is a better student.  Thanks for the AMAZING book!
                          Robert
Parent   Entrepreneur,                                        AB

 

 

 



What If I … teaches skills to calm the worried mind.  These skills that are foundational to good mental health in childhood  AND  adulthood.  What If I … draws the reader into the day-to-day realities of children and young students.
                Van McGeein, MSW, RSW
​                                                    AB


This book is exceptional in helping quiet worriers build language around their feelings and develop simple strategies to begin to find new patterns. 

                      Dr. Jennifer Batycky,
                                Principal, AB



 

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So  then I… is a book that children will identify with and that adults will find invaluable in helping kids to ‘have a great week.’     Mary-Catherine ... weaves straightforward and research-based strategies for dealing with ... challenges into the story.
                               Craig Harper, M.Sc.
​                                   Psychologist, AB

 
So  then I…  is a great companion to the first two books.  My daughter engaged with them imm
ediately.  
 I know she will love this one too!
                                        Heidi Grogan, M.A.
                            Writer, Instructor, AB


This beautiful little book is a much needed resource for kids and the adults in their lives.  ...   Why Can’t I helps every child to understand what they’re feeling, and to take simple, practical steps toward a healthier and happier state of being.      
                                   Tam Lundy, Ph.D.,
   Canadian Self-Regulation Initiative

This series is exceptional at giving children and adults the language to describe, and practice, emotional, calming, and social skills. ...  Children can discover that they can “grow” important survival skills, that these skills aren’t simply innate or absent.  
              Liz Spittal, B.Ed.,  M.Ed.- TESL,                      English Language Learning                                                  
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